Safest Place To Hide
by RaeAngel
Summary: A BtVSDa Vinci Code xover. While in England recovering from her bouts with the dark arts, Willow comes face to face and heart to heart with a certain albino monk Silas after he saves her from vampires.
1. Meeting Silas

**Disclaimer:** _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ belongs to Joss Wheldon and _The Da Vinci Code _belongs to Dan Brown and Ron Howard. The story title doesn't belong to me either. It's from the song _Safest Place To Hide _by the wickedly amazing Backstreet Boys. Please don't sue me, I'm completely and utterly broke and it's for entertainment purposes only.

**Timeline: **From the end of season six to the end of _Chosen_, BtVS and post-movie, _Da Vinci Code_

**Pairing(s): **Willow/Tara (a little bit), Willow/Silas, Buffy/Spike, Xander/OC

**Author's Note: **Just to avoid some confusion, I'll explain the timeline a little bit clearer. The beginning of the story takes place at the end of _Graves_ in the _Buffy _universe and just before the movie in the _Da Vinci Code _universe then it shifts to the end of the series finale of _BtVS _and the end of the movie. Why a Willow/Silas pairing? I wanted to do a different Willow/Crossover Character pairing and I think that she and Silas make a good couple. Just to warn you, Silas will be a little OOC in this story so please don't flame me for that. Also, I'm following the movie in the _Da Vinci Code _universe because I find it to be a lot easier to follow than the book so Silas will be as he was in the movie. Please don't flame me for that. That was a decision that I made before I started writing this story. If you are wondering about the current stories that I'm working on both on this site and on Twisting The Hellmouth, don't worry, I won't be abandoning those stories but don't expect the updates to be speedy. This story was inspired by LaRosaAzul's _Da Vinci Code_ fan fic _What Makes Us Good. _If you haven't read it yet then I strongly recommend you do. Anyway, enjoy and remember no flames! I will ignore them and I don't have the patience for them.

**Summary: **While in England recovering from her bouts with the dark arts, Willow meets a certain albino monk (Silas) after he saves her from vampires and she befriends him. After three years apart, they meet again in London. Just as Silas is struggling with the demons of his past and the sins he committed in the name of God, Willow begins to open her heart again that has been broken after the death of Tara and the break-up between her and Kennedy but can she love again despite having a broken heart that is beginning to heal?

**Safest Place To Hide  
By RaeAngel**

**April 23, 2002  
London, England  
9:45 pm**

Willow Rosenberg stood in front of a rather large building that was across the street from where she and Giles were staying in London. It had been a week since she arrived to the English capital city from Sunnydale. One week since she had tried to destroy the world after extracting revenge against Warren and frayed him alive after he murdered Tara. One week since she had almost killed her friends after tapping into the dark arts and one week since she was stopped by the love of one of her friends. Tears welled in Willow's eyes thinking of what Xander had done to save both her and the world.

_He told me that he loved me. Despite what I did to him and Buffy, he told me that he loved me. _

Shaking her head, Willow forced the memories out and focused on the building she was standing in front of. She had passed it every day going to visit the coven who were helping her recover from her bouts with the dark arts and yet she had no idea what the building was until she decided to do a little research and discovered that the building was in fact the Opus Dei Centre in London.

_From what Giles told me about Opus Dei, it's a ultraconserve Catholic group with some serious issues. I mean, its views on women are medival at best and most members undergo a dangerous practice known as 'corporal mortification'. Most women even have to undergo additional requirements of that same practice. Goddess, why would anyone want to be a member of that group?_

It made the redheaded Wicca shudder thinking about it as she started walking down the street. Unfortnately as she was walking down the street, a group of vampires began following her and she didn't notice it until it was too late when one of them grabbed her arm.

"Hey!" Willow shouted as she tried to pull her arm free. "Let go!"

The vampire laughed. "Mmm. I can smell your fear, little girl."

"Actually, that would be your breath." The Wicca snapped despite her growing anxiety and anger. Another vampire grabbed her from behind the waist and licked one side of her neck. It took all of Willow's willpower not to flinch.

"You taste delicious." It purred in her ear. That made her skin crawl. At that point, Willow stomped on the foot of one of the vampires holding her. It roared in pain and let go of her waist while the other vampire tried to pull her closer to it. That was a mistake because just as it was pulling her close, Willow took out a stake that was in her jeans pocket and plunged it home into the vampire's heart.

"No fair." It squeaked before it exploded into a dust cloud. Then Willow broke into a run with the remaining vampires giving chase behind her. Unfortnately for her just as she reached Kensington Gardens, they had finally caught up with her. Struggling to run faster, Willow didn't see a large tree root that laid a few feet away from her until it was too late when she tripped over it and fell hard onto the ground on her left leg. She let out a cry of pain when she tried to get up.

"Oh, no." she whispered as she heard the laughter of the remaining vampires as they reached her. One of them roughly picked her up and dragged her toward the far side of the park. Then it threw her onto the ground roughly. Willow cried out in pain as it did. Then another vampire grabbed her by the hair.

"Now, where were we before you tried to escape?" It sneered and it vamped out. Just as it was about to dig its fangs onto Willow's neck, she heard a voice shout.

"Let her go."

Willow looked up to see a figure of a man dressed in robes possibly a monk. He had a hood pulled up so she couldn't see his face and his accent was hard to place. His voice was deep and husky which was enough to send shivers up the Wicca's spine. The vampire that was holding her glared at the hooded figure and growled menacingly.

"Sod off." It snapped. "This is no concern of yours."

"Let her go." The hooded figure repeated. "And perhaps God will forgive you before you enter Hell." The group of vampires glanced at each other and then laughed.

"Let her go and perhaps God will forgive you before you enter Hell." One of the vampires said rather mockingly. "What are you? Some kind of a priest wannabe? Or maybe a human who speaks to God? We have a message for Him. Piss off!"

_Bad idea, guys. _Willow thought when she saw that the hooded figure started to shake possibly in rage over the vampire's words. That gave the chance she was waiting for. She held the stake that was behind her back and with no second to spare she plunged the stake into the vampire's heart. It roared in pain before it exploded into dust. The Wicca fell onto the ground crying out in pain as she landed onto the wet grass. She looked up and saw that the vampires had lost their focus on her and were now leering at the hooded monk. She saw that he had already staked two of them.

Good. There are only three left. Now if only I could … 

Willow was suddenly pulled from her thoughts when she felt an hand grabbing her by the throat and she was once again at the mercy of one of the three vampires. It licked her at the side of the neck and just as it was about to bite her, it let out a roar of pain and exploded into dust all over her. Once again, the Wicca fell onto the ground and she looked up to see that it was the hooded monk. Then she turned back to face the remaining two vampires. If they were looking to finish the fight, the menacing look in the monk's hooded figure discouraged them and they ran out of the park disappearing into the night.

"Yeah you better run, assholes." Willow said rather angrily. Then she turned to her hooded savior.

"Thanks for helping me." She said. Then she tried to get up but as soon as she did, pain shot up her leg and she fell back down again. As she went down onto the ground, she glanced up at the hooded monk.

"Who are you? What's your name?" She asked suddenly nervous. Then Willow saw the monk's very pale hands pull away at his hood and it revealed a very pale face with pale blue eyes and white hair. The Wicca's eyes widened in shock and disbelief.

_My Goddess! He's an albino! I've seen and heard of them both in human and demon variety but I've never actually met one before. _

"My name is Silas." The albino monk answered her in the same deep and husky voice.

_So he's an albino monk and has a Biblical name. Giles would never believe this! _Willow thought to herself. Then she noticed that Silas was staring at her injuried leg with concern.

"Can you walk?" he asked.

Willow shook her head as she spoke. "Judging by the angle that it's in, I think that the answer is no." she said. "I'm Willow by the way." _Oh, Goddess! Why did I just say that? Don't start babbling now, Willow. Now is not a good time for that. Is he going to help me? _

Then to her surprise and relief, Silas picked her up gently and held her in his arms carefully to avoid hurting her more. Shaking slightly, Willow willed herself to relax against her mysterious savior and barely resisted the urge to start babbling. After close to twenty minutes, the uncomfortable silence was broken when Silas spoke to her.

"You live across the street, no?"

Willow was surprised and suspicious. "I just moved here so yes I do live across the street." She replied. "How did you ..?"

"I have seen you before." Silas answered. "I saw you and an older man move into the building across the street from the Opus Dei Centre a month ago. I see you go in and out every day."

"You live at the Opus Dei Centre?" Willow asked. Then a realization hit her like a ton of bricks and it left her stunned. "You're a member of Opus Dei as a monk."

Silas nodded. "Yes, I am a numerary of Opus Dei and no I do not live here in London. I am only visiting. I live and study in the United States."

_He's a member of Opus Dei and an American possibly a foreigner by birth. I don't know whether to be glad or scared. _

That was the one thought that ran through the Wicca's mind as she looked at Silas. There was something about the albino monk that she couldn't explain. She could tell just by looking in his eyes that he had been through so much. Perhaps more than anyone should ever go through. Willow could also see that Silas was not used to be around women too often.

_Probably because he's been taught that women are sinful creatures when all that is a bunch of crap. I know that because of that website I went on when I researched Opus Dei. Goddess, why would anyone want to be a member of that group? _

Willow kept her voice even as she spoke. "You must have powerful friends if you're allowed to come to London all the way from the U.S."

_If only if you knew, woman._

That was the one thought that ran through Silas's mind as Willow said those words. It had been one month earlier when he arrived in London to attend a retreat that was arranged by his mentor and friend Bishop Manuel Aringarosa when he saw the redheaded young woman and her older male companion move into the building that was across the street from the Opus Dei Centre. For an entire month, Silas had watched her come in and go out every day but he never knew her name until tonight when he saved her from the pack of vampires.

_Willow. Her name is Willow. _

Normally, Silas would have cared less about women or even show an ounce of concern for them but there was something about Willow that he couldn't explain. Every day when he saw her come and go, Silas always saw a sad look on her face. Sometimes she would be in tears as she was walking home at the end of the day as he watched from his window across the street inside his room in the Opus Dei Centre.

_It was as if she had experienced something terrible or done something terrible like I once did in my life. _

For the first time since he joined Opus Dei years earlier, Silas felt the familiar emotions of grief, hate, fear and self-loathing all in one swirling through him like a wildfire and he fought with himself to force the familiar emotions out. As he looked up to see where he was going, Silas felt Willow's head rest against his shoulder and he also felt her relaxing against him. Then he heard her say something so softly that the monk had to strain his ears to hear her words.

"Thank you."

The gratitude in Willow's voice was enough to bring tears to Silas's eyes. It had been a long time since he had done a good deed and was actually thanked for it. Trying to keep his voice steady and keep it from breaking, he spoke softly to her.

"You are welcome."

The rest of the walk to the hospital was quiet and as Silas walked in the emergency room of St. Mary Hospital, everyone sitting in the waiting room stared in wonderment at the albino monk carrying a young woman with an injured leg in his arms. Gently and carefully, Silas set Willow down in a wheelchair.

"I will go and find a doctor." He said.

Willow nodded her head slowly in response and she closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again. All of the evening's events had exhausted her and she felt tired. After a few moments, Willow felt her eyes growing heavy and was almost asleep when she felt someone's hand on her arm. She opened her tired eyes to see that it was Silas.

"I have to take you to see the nurse." He said.

Willow nodded. "Okay." She said sounding very tired. Then suddenly a thought crossed her mind as she realized that she hadn't called Giles.

_Giles must be going insane with worry. I better ask the nurse to contact him for me. Hopefully, he won't panic when she tells him what happened._

As Silas pushed her wheelchair to the nurse's station, Willow glanced at the nurse who had a friendly face and looking at the Wicca with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye.

As she was checking Willow's temprture and blood pressure, she asked. "Is there anyone you wish for me to contact?"

Willow nodded. "A friend. His name is Rupert Giles." Once she gave the nurse the ex-Watcher's phone numbers to both their flat and to the Watcher's Council's Headquarters, Willow asked Silas to take her back to the waiting room of the ER. When they got back to the waiting room, Willow noticed that some of the people in the waiting room were staring at Silas. Seeing that the Opus Dei monk was very uncomfortable with the stares, Willow turned her head and glared at the people in the room.

"What are you staring at?" She snapped looking and sounding very annoyed and a little angry. "Haven't you seen an albino monk before?"

While everyone else looked away at Willow's words, Silas gaped at her. He was used to people being uncomfortable with his appearance but he never had someone stand up for him before. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for her actions or be angry. Unable to say anything, Silas turned away and as he did, many thoughts crossed his mind. All of them about Willow.

_Who are you? Why are you being so kind to me?_

Willow felt a swell of pity for Silas as he turned away from her to look out the window. Earlier, she saw the look on his face when she snapped at the people who were staring at them. He looked shocked, grateful and sad all at once and the Wicca couldn't help but feel very sympathetic for him. She could tell that Silas had a tragic past just by looking at his face and in his eyes.

_Proably no different than mine or Buffy's or even Xander's. _

As she waited to be called to see the ER doctor on call, Willow closed her eyes to rest them with the image of the sad expression on Silas's face burning in her memory and in her mind.

_Oh, Silas. _

**Well, what do you think? Please review and remember no flames. I will ignore them and I don't have any patience for them. **


	2. The Wicca and the Monk

**Disclaimer:** _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ belongs to Joss Wheldon and _The Da Vinci Code _belongs to Dan Brown and Ron Howard. The story title doesn't belong to me either. It's from the song _Safest Place To Hide _by the wickedly amazing Backstreet Boys. Please don't sue me, I'm completely and utterly broke and it's for entertainment purposes only.

**Timeline: **From the end of season six to the end of _Chosen_, BtVS and post-movie, _Da Vinci Code_

**Pairing(s): **Willow/Tara (a little bit), Willow/Silas, Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Silas (friendship), Xander/OC

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait. RL got in the way as usual. Anyway, don't flame me if Silas is a little OOC in this chapter because I have reasons for him to be that way.

1) He and Willow are not so different in some ways because of their pasts

2) Silas has never experienced romantic love before so I just wanted to create a whole new side of him. Also, after the Da Vinci incident, he may be very emotional at times so just to warn you for future chapters.

Well, that's all for now. Please review and remember no flames!! I will ignore them and I don't have the patience for them.

**Summary: **Willow was attacked by vampires but was saved by an albino who goes by the name of Silas. He took her to a nearby hospital after she was injured trying to escape the vampires.

As Silas was taking her back to the ER waiting room, Willow couldn't help but make a face at the cast on her leg. After waiting an hour to see the doctor, she had x-rays done and sure enough, the ER doctor told her that she had broken her leg in one place. He had a cast put on it and prescribed her some pain medication to ease the pain. Giles arrived at the hospital twenty minutes after Silas took the Wicca in to see the ER doctor and decided to wait in the waiting room. Then Willow looked up at Silas and kept her gaze on him intently.

"You said that you live and study in the U.S." She said breaking the silence. "Where in the U.S?"

"New York." Silas replied. "I iminagrated there ten years ago from France."

_I was right. Silas is a foreigner by birth. From France, no less. _The redheaded Wicca thought to herself before Silas spoke again breaking her train of thought.

"What about you?" The monk asked her. "You do not sound British."

_Stay as close to the truth as possible. _Willow thought to herself as she spoke carefully and evenly.

"That's because I'm not." Willow said. "I'm also from the U.S. I'm originally from California. Born and raised in a small town called Sunnydale which is two hours away from Los Angeles."

Inside, Silas was stunned but didn't dare to let it show on his face. He had heard of the small Californian town via Bishop Aringarosa but all of the things he heard about Sunnydale were not very pleasant. Although he had never visited the town himself, Silas was told stories of death, destruction and mayhem and of that the town was on top of a _Boca del Inferno_ or, translated from Spanish, _The Mouth Of Hell_. Aringarosa also told Silas the legend of a young girl in all the world who was chosen by God to rid the world of evil and to protect humanity. She was called the Chosen One, the Slayer Of The Vampires and a warrior for God.

_Should I tell Willow of this? _

Silas broke out of his train of thought when he saw an older man with brown hair and glasses, assuming to be Willow's male companion, coming up to them. He glanced at Willow worriedly.

"I came as soon as I heard." He said to her. "Are you all right?"

Silas saw the smile that creeped onto Willow's face at her companion's words. "Just a broken leg." She said rather calmly. "Other than that, I'm fine. No pain, no game."

Then Silas began to feel uncomfortable when the British man's gaze shifted from Willow to him. The look he gave the monk was rather fierce and distrustful which indicated to the monk that Willow's companion was very protective of her like a father trying to protect his child. Willow must have sensed Silas's discomfort because she spoke up.

"Relax, Giles." She said sounding a little annoyed. "He's the one who saved me from the vamps. This is Silas."

The fierce look on Giles's face vanished and was replaced with a grateful smile. "A pleasure to meet you, I'm Rupert Giles."

"Pleasure." Silas replied. Then he noticed that Giles was staring at him with a curious expression on his face which both surprised and startled him. After a long minute, Giles broke the silence with a question.

"Are you a member of Opus Dei?"

Silas was surprised and suspicious. "Yes, I am." He answered evenly. "How did you..?"

"Do you know a bishop by the name of Manuel Aringarosa?" Giles asked cutting him off.

Silas glanced down at Willow who had a look of confusion and bewilderment on her face that he was sure was mirrored on his own. _Who is he? How does he know about me? _

"Yes. He is my mentor." Silas answered. "But how do you know?"

"Giles, what's going on?" Willow asked sounding very concerned and confused. "Why are you asking Silas these questions?"

Giles sighed as he glanced at both the albino monk and the Wicca knowing that what he was about to reveal would be a shock to them both. _Especially to Silas since his mentor and I had dealings with each other in the past. Bishop Aringarosa probably never told him about his dealings with me and the Watcher's Council. _

"What I'm about to reveal to you cannot leave this room. Understood?"

Confused and a little worried, Silas and Willow both nodded their heads. Giles chose his words very carefully as he began to tell his story to them. He avoided making eye contact with Willow as he asked Silas one more question.

"Did Bishop Aringarosa mention to you an organization called the Council of Watchers?"

Silas was about to say no when a memory entered his mind uninvited. It was over two years ago when the monk had walked in on an argument between Aringarosa and another man later to be identified as a Watcher who went by the name Quentin Travers. Silas had just returned from Mass when he stopped outside the doorway to one of the conference rooms and he heard raised voices. One of them was Aringarosa's. The other was Travers's.

"What you are asking me to do is against everything I stand for!!" Aringarosa was shouting angrily. "I can not do it!!"

"You can't or you won't?" Travers asked in a rather concending voice. "In case you have forgotten, Bishop, your companion was once a murderer who killed his father with a kitchen knife and another man by breaking his neck. By turning him over to us, he will be of use to us. To help us fight our war against the forces of evil."

"You mean forcing Silas to help you and your organization fight a war that you are raging." Aringarosa spat unexpectedly. "You have the Slayer to do that for you. Let her fight it but leave Silas out of this. I will let God strike me down before I turn Silas over to you and your people."

Silas didn't stay to listen to the rest of the conversation. He ran to his room sick and horrified over what he had overheard. After a lengthy session with the Discipline, he laid on his mat crying.

_It was the next day that Father Aringarosa told me everything. How the Council of Watchers tried to talk him into turning me over to them. To force me to fight their war against dark forces. He also told me of the Slayer and of the world of vampires, demons and other supernatural forces that roam the earth. _

Feeling very cold inside and not bothering to force the memory out of his mind, Silas nodded his head at Giles. The Watcher glanced at him grimly before he spoke again.

"It was twelve years ago." Giles said wearily. "Bishop Aringarosa was a missionary then and I was an operative for the Council. I was sent to Spain on a mission for the Council. One night, as I was passing a Catholic cemetery in Madrid, I saw someone being attacked by vampires."

Although he already knew what the Watcher was trying to tell him and Willow, Silas couldn't help but put voice to the thought in his mind.

"Father Aringarosa." The monk said keeping the shock from coloring his voice.

Giles nodded. "Although, I was not supposed to get involved, I ignored protocol and rushed to his aid saving his life. After that, Bishop Aringarosa and I became allies and later friends despite our differences. He was passionate about the teachings of Opus Dei and he believed in it very strongly."

"But you do not believe in the teachings of Opus Dei." Silas said with an insightful look on his face.

"No, I don't." Giles admitted. "But that didn't mean that I didn't respect Aringarosa's beliefs and his opinions. After I returned to England, we kept in contact. Then two years after we met, he wrote me a letter stating that he had taken in an albino prisoner who had escaped from a prison in Andorra after an earthquake hit the area and destroyed everything in its path including the prison itself."

Willow was about to ask Giles about the idenity of the prisoner then when she saw the look of shock and horror on Silas's face, she put two on two together and turned back to the Watcher.

"Silas was the prisoner who escaped." The Wicca said with an hint of surprise and horror in her voice.

Again, Giles nodded his head at her. "Yes." He said. "One of many who escaped but also the only one that the Council wanted to bring over to their side. Travers had a plan to force Silas to fight the Council's war against vampires by imprisoning him in the Watcher's Council's HQ and programming him into becoming the perfect killing machine. So dangerous that not even the Slayer could stop him."

"But as you can imagine." Giles continued on. "There were some in the Council who opposed Travers including me. Bishop Aringarosa was horrified when I explained to him what Travers had in mind for Silas. What concerned the both of us and also some of the members of the Council who were opposed to the plan was Silas's history. We were concerned that Travers would use his past to his advantage. Over the course of several years, some members of the Council tried to talk Travers into abandoning the plan but he refused saying that it would benefit the Council."

Anger and uncontrollable rage filled Silas's soul as he spoke. "How does turning me into a murdering monster benefit _them_?" He spat angrily. "I would kill myself before I serve them."

"That, Silas, is why both Aringarosa and I agreed that it was best that you would know about the supernatural world." Giles replied evenly. "Even about the existence of the Hellmouth."

Willow couldn't help but be shocked and surprised at the Watcher's words and looked up at Silas. "You know about the Hellmouth?"

Silas looked just as shocked as her at her question. "Yes." He answered. "You know of it as well."

"I should since Sunnydale sits on top of one." Willow replied. "And I live there. Or I did live there." Her eyes clouded over with sadness as the memories of what she had done back in Sunnydale ran through her mind. She saw that Silas was starting to look concerned and a little afraid of what she might reveal.

Giles must have sensed the questions that Silas had for the Wicca because he said. "Perhaps, we better reveal to you why Willow is here. You don't know us very well but it's obilvious that you have a certain respect for her."

At Willow's approval, the Watcher told Silas what had happened back in Sunnydale. The story that Giles told about Willow shook the monk to the bone and horrified him. The story of how Willow frayed a man alive after the death of her lover and how she nearly destroyed the world only to be saved by the loving and comforting words of a friend.

_Witchcraft is an evil in the eyes of the Lord. So is murder and homosexuality. How can Willow be capable of such things?_

But then there was something that Bishop Aringarosa once told Silas that stuck with him for the ten years that he had been a member of Opus Dei and since he was saved.

_The Lord works in mysterious ways. Mysterious ways that we can not imagine._

Giles must have sensed the turmoil within Silas over the truth about Willow because he spoke again this time in a gentle voice.

"Silas, I know what you have been taught about magic being evil in the eyes of God and of everything else." He said. "But not all witchcraft is evil. It can be good if that person knows how to control it. Willow was one of the unfortnate ones who wasn't taught how to control her magic …"

"Witchcraft is a sin in the eyes of God!!!" Silas shouted angrily. His pale blue eyes suddenly turned a shade of red in anger and fury. "How can you say that it is good when it is evil?"

Despite feeling her own anger flaring, Willow tried hard to control it as she felt her control over her magic slipping over Silas's words. That both saddened and terrified her. Her green eyes began to turn black.

_NO!!! I won't let my rage control me!! I can't lose it. I won't lose it. Not now!!!_

"I'm saying that not all witchcraft is evil, Silas." Giles argued apprentally unaware of the Wicca's inner torment. "Bishop Aringarosa and I had the same argument a long time ago when he became the head of Opus Dei. I even proved it to him once with a friend of mine who was a Wicca …"

"Stop!!!" Silas shouted again in denial. "I will not hear anymore!!! You do not know him!!! He would never keep secrets from me!!! I will not …"

At that point, Willow lost all control of both her magic and her anger. "STOP IT!!!!" she screamed. Both Giles and Silas turned and they both gasped in utter horror as the Wicca threw a force field at their direction. Giles was thrown halfway across the room and as he hit the wall and slid to the ground, his last conscious thought was on his old friend's companion.

_It is up to Silas now. _

Silas gasped in pain as he hit the floor hard. He turned to his left and saw that Giles was a few feet away from him unconscious. Then he glanced up at Willow and was shocked at the changes in her earlier. Her hair and eyes were now black and for the first time, he understood what the Watcher had tried to tell him. He also began to understand why Willow had always returned to her flat with a sad expression on her face every day.

_She was feeling remorse over her actions. God had punished her enough with everything she has done. Willow is no different than me. She has done terrible things and so have I. Perhaps, God has allowed her to become a witch for some other purpose. _

Shaking and a little afraid, Silas struggled to his feet and walked over to Willow who was eying him with rage in her eyes. He didn't flinch as he started to speak.

"Willow …"

"NO!!!!" The Wicca shouted in rage. "You say that witchcraft is evil, right? How can you fear what you don't understand?"

Remorse and guilt filled Silas's heart and soul but he pushed on. "You are right. I do not understand why or how this is possible but I do know this. You did not deserve my ire or my ignorance. Please forgive me."

Silas saw that the anger that was controlling Willow was starting to weaken at his words so he repeated them. "Forgive me."

"Shut up!!!" Willow screamed but the strength was weakening in her voice and tears welled in her eyes.

"Forgive me." Silas repeated again. "Forgive me."

The tears that filled Willow's eyes when Silas asked for her forgiveness now ran down her face and as she broke down crying, her eyes and hair returned to their natural colors. With tears in his own eyes, Silas gently lifted her from her wheelchair and held her in his arms as she cried. Then as he closed his eyes, Silas felt the tears run down his pale cheeks and he cried silently for the young woman in his arms.

**3 Orme Court**

**Three hours later …**

As she watched Silas help Giles to the door to their flat, Willow couldn't help but feel an odd mixture of pity for the monk and self-loathing for herself over her actions back at the hospital. Once she was calmed down enough to be left alone, Silas helped Giles to a gurney and stayed with both him and Willow. Once Giles was checked out and given the ok to go home, the trio went back to the Watcher's flat in silence.

_The coven did warn me that there will be times when I would lose control over my magic for the first few months but reassured me that it will pass with time. I hope so because I hate to have a repeat of what happened today. I could have killed both Giles and Silas with the power I have. _

But it wasn't just the loss of control that made Willow regain control again but the sound of Silas's voice begging her for forgiveness. He had said the words the same way that Xander did when he told her that he loved her. She wasn't sure why but Willow felt her stomach flutter when she saw Silas coming out of the door to hers and Giles's flat and walk over toward her. Willow also saw that he had something in his hand but couldn't tell what it was from she was standing with her crutches aiding her.

"Are you sure you will be all right?" Silas asked her. "Because I will stay."

Willow shook her head. "You've done enough, Silas." She said with a smile. "You saved me from turning back into Darth Willow as well as my life so I owe you."

"You owe me nothing, Willow." Silas started to say but was cut off.

"No, Silas. I do owe you." The Wicca insisted. "And I will find a way to make it up to you someday. Besides, I have something for you."

Willow handed Silas a piece of folded paper. As he took it from her, Silas unfolded it to reveal two addresses. One was in London and the other was in Sunnydale. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"They're both ways to contact me." Willow explained. "The first address is to my house back in Sunnydale and the other is to the Watcher's Council just in case you can't get me in Sunnydale."

Once again, Silas's eyes became bright with tears. Her kindness and willingness overwhelmed him. As he placed the addresses in his robes, Silas took Willow's hand and placed something it. The Wicca looked down to see the item that the monk put in her hand. It was a rosary with beautiful black beads on it.

Willow was shocked. "Silas, I can't accept this. I'm not even Catholic."

"I know you are not, Willow." Silas replied. "But there is one thing I know about you that you do not. That God allowed you be able to practice magic for a purpose. Please accept this for me and think of it as a gift from a man of God."

Willow didn't know what to say or what to think and before she could stop herself, she bent forward using her crutches for assistance and kissed Silas on the cheek.

"Thank you, Silas." She whispered. "I hope to see you again soon."

Silas started shaking in sheer emotion. He should have been angry, disgusted and revolted at the thought of being kissed by a woman but for some reason when Willow kissed him on the cheek, he felt very light-headed and complete as if something had been missing for most of his life despite his calling in Opus Dei. Tears streaming down his cheeks, Silas bent down and kissed Willow on her forehead and in a voice filled with emotion, he said.

"May the peace of the Lord be with you, Willow."

Willow's green eyes looked straight into Silas's pale blue ones as she spoke. "And also with you, Silas." As he started to cross the street to enter the front of the Opus Dei Centre, Silas turned around and nearly burst into tears at the crushed and sad look in Willow's eyes as she started to go inside her flat.

_I will miss you, Willow. _

**Watcher's Council Headquarters  
London, England**

**Three years later …**

Dawn Summers sat down in front of her laptop computer and began the long process of researching and cataloging certain demons for the newly rebuilt Watcher's Council. It had been two years since the final battle against the First Evil in Sunnydale. Two years since Giles had begun the difficult process of rebuilding the Watcher's Council after its destruction during the war against the First Evil. Two years since Willow activated all potiental Slayers and two years since Buffy began the difficult task of training them all.

_Who would have thought that all of this would change us all? _

Dawn was about to get back to work when she heard the doorbell to the Headquarters sound and she frowned in confusion and curiousty.

_Who would be ringing the doorbell at this time of day?_

Curious but catious, Dawn went to the front door of the huge mansion that she and her friends called home and headquarters of the Watcher's Council and she opened the door. What she saw made her gasp in horror. A extremely pale man dressed in grey robes stood in front of her. His pale eyes glanced at her with a pleading look in them.

"Please." He rasped in an accent that was hard to place. "Willow."

_Willow? How does he …? _Then a realization hit Dawn like a ton of bricks as she remembered the story that the Wicca told her and Buffy about when she was saved by a albino monk from a pack of vampires.

_Oh, my God!! This is the albino monk that Willow was talking about!!! _

Sensing that he needed help, Dawn turned around and yelled. "Willow!!! Buffy!!! I need some help here!!!"

A few minutes later, Willow and Buffy came down the stairs upon hearing Dawn's shouts. The Wicca's face paled when she saw the bleeding albino monk standing at the door.

"Silas?" Willow gasped with a hint of fear and concern in her voice.

Silas turned at the sound of the Wicca's voice and glanced at her gratefully. "Willow." He whispered. Then he leaned against the doorframe for support trying to keep from falling onto the floor. The Wicca gasped when she saw blood on his hands. _Oh, Goddess, what happened to you?_

"Silas!!" Willow cried and she rushed to his side. Then she turned to Buffy.

"Buffy, help me!!" She called out. With Buffy's help, Willow helped Silas inside the house and took him down the hall to the newly built infrimary. Once they entered the infrimary, Buffy and Willow gently led Silas to a bed near the doorway. As she helped him onto the bed, Buffy noticed that he had been shot in the shoulder and that he had lost a lot of blood.

"I'm going to get Beth." She said and turned to run to the far side of the infrimary leaving her best friend alone with the wounded monk. Willow took Silas's blood-covered hand and glanced at him with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Silas." She said softly. "What happened?"

Silas's pale eyes suddenly filled with tears at her words. "I made a terrible mistake." He said in a hoarse voice. "I was decieved into committing unspeakable sins in the name of the Lord."

_Oh, no. Do I want to know what he did? _

Despite her fear, Willow pushed it aside when she saw the grief and remorse on Silas's face. It was something she was all too familiar with. She had seen it and felt it before from people she once knew in her life during the years in Sunnydale before its destruction three years previous. Not wanting to indugle into the past, the Wicca forced the memories out and laid a hand on Silas's arm.

At that point, Silas burst into tears. His sobs wracking his entire body. Willow, concerned for him and afraid of the answers to her question, went closer to him and wrapped her arms around his shaking shoulders in an effort to comfort him.

"Silas, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Willow said softly trying to keep her voice even as she spoke.

Silas didn't look at her as he spoke. "I …I killed them." He sobbed uncontrollably. Willow's insides turned to ice and her heart gave a horrible jolt at his words.

_Oh, Goddess!! No!! You can't be capable of killing anyone! Not you, Silas! _

"Killed who, Silas?" The Wicca asked as gently as she could.

"Men. I was told to. By the man who decieved me." Silas said in between sobs. "I was to retrieve a keystone and bring it to him. I did so and then he betrayed me. And I shot someone I trusted. He is …"

Silas tried to choke back sobs but upon seeing the tears in Willow's eyes, he lost all of his emotional restraint and he sobbed harder. He felt her arms wrap around his shaking body and heard her soft sobs as she started to cry with him.

"Forgive me, Willow." Silas whispered sobbing. "Forgive me."

_Oh, Goddess. Silas, I'm so sorry. _

The tears that Willow was trying to fight back now swam down her cheeks and her body began to shake with sobs as she took Silas in her arms. For the first time since that fateful morning in Sunnydale three years ago, Willow gave in to her fear and her love for the man in her arms and wept as she heard his words begging her for forgiveness for the crimes he committed in the name of God.

**Later …**

As she helped Beth put away medical supplies, Dawn couldn't help but glance at the albino monk lying quietly on one of the beds in the infrimary sympathetically. It had taken a long while but after crying for hours, he had allowed Beth to treat his wounded shoulder. Then after that, he wouldn't let anyone visit him at his bedside not even poor Willow. That made the teen feel sorry for the monk.

_Silas, his name is Silas. _

Beth must've seen the sad look on Dawn's face as she was looking at Silas because she took the teen's hand and glanced at her sympathetically.

"He was pretty upset as I was examining his wound." The medic said with sympathy in her voice. "As soon as I finished treating him, he told me and poor Willow to leave him. For a couple of hours, he started praying then he laid back down onto the bed like nothing was wrong. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't respond to me so I left him alone.'

Dawn kept her gaze on Silas before turning back to Beth. "Let me try to talk to him." she said. "He has to talk to someone besides Willow plus he looks like he really needs a friend right now."

Beth nodded her head in consent and said. "Go ahead. See if he responds to you."

"Thanks." Dawn said. She set down a set of towels in her arms on the counter and then entered the infirmary. Quietly so that she wouldn't startle him, Dawn sat down at Silas's bedside with a small smile on her face.

"Hi." She said in a gentle voice. "Remember me? The girl who answered the door when you came here?" To her surprise, Silas lifted his head to look up at her but Dawn could feel her heart breaking at the sad expression on his pale face and in his eyes. Pushing her emotions aside, she continued to talk to him in a gentle voice.

"My name is Dawn. Dawn Summers. I'm a friend of Willow's." Dawn kept her sympathy from coloring her voice as she spoke. "She told me and my sister and the rest of our friends about what you did for her three years ago when you saved her from the pack of vampires. She never forgot about that. I mean, you were all that Willow would talk about. I know that because every time we pass by the Opus Dei Centre on Orme Court, she mentions you. Every time when we cut through Kensington Gardens to come back here, Willow would wonder what you are doing that particlar moment."

"It doesn't take a genius to see that Willow cares about you." Dawn continued. "Maybe even love you." Her words must've struck a cord in Silas because he looked up at the teen with tears in his pale eyes. Dawn couldn't help but feel even more sympathetic toward him.

"How can she love someone like me?" Silas finally said in a voice filled with emotion. "How can she? I am a murderer and I do not deserve her love and respect."

"That's not true, Silas." Dawn insisted with confidence and conviction that she didn't know she had inside of her. "Even those who commit crimes in the name of God deserve a second chance and a shot at redemption. Someone I knew once told me that the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. It doesn't matter what you've done or why. You are still a child of God and I think He still loves you despite what you have done and the circumstances surrounding them. Willow will proably hate me for telling you this because she wants to tell you herself but she really cares about you and possibly loves you very much."

_She loves me? Willow loves me?_

Silas's eyes became bright with tears as Dawn's words echoed in his mind like an empty hallway. In spite of everything that had happened, he knew that he would never go back to Opus Dei. Not after what had happened. He also knew that he had nowhere else to go except here with Willow and her friends in the Watcher's Council's Headquarters. As he stared at the teen, Silas felt her hand on his own and she gave it a tight squeeze. Then she opened her mouth to say something but instead of talking, she began to sing. The song she sang brought more tears to Silas's eyes.

Dawn felt tears prickling at the back of her eyes as she was singing. The song she was singing to Silas reminded her painfully of someone she once knew and trusted. Someone she loved like a brother.

_Spike. _

For two years since the destruction of Sunnydale, Dawn had no idea how much she missed the blonde-haired vampire until now as she was looking at Silas. Since she had helped Willow and Buffy with him at the door, Dawn saw that she and the albino monk had one thing in common. They had suffered more than they should have in their lifetimes. The teen could tell that Silas had a tragic past just by looking at his face and in his eyes perhaps no different than her own and Buffy's when she became the Slayer. Smiling gently through her unshed tears, Dawn gave Silas's hand another tight squeeze and she continued to sing her song.

_She has a voice of an angel!!!_

That was the one thought that ran through Silas's mind as he glanced at Dawn. He had never heard such a beautiful voice come from anyone before not even in all of his years in Opus Dei. He was surprised that he was able to control himself as she was singing and holding his hand in a comforting gesture. Dawn's kindness and willingness to befriend him overwhelmed him. At that point, Silas felt his control over his raging emotions slipping as Dawn gave his hand another gentle squeeze. Then for the third time in a day, Silas broke down crying. As he was sobbing, he felt Dawn's small arms wrap around him and heard her voice whispering soothing words of comfort in his ear making him cry even harder.

"Willow …" Silas choked around his sobs. "Willow..."

The tears that Dawn had been fighting back as she was singing to Silas now ran down her cheeks and she allowed herself to cry silently for the crying man in her arms. They were engrossed in their emotions that they didn't notice that Buffy, Willow and Beth were watching the whole thing with sympathetic expressions on their faces knowing that there was a lot they could say but nothing they could do to ease Silas's pain and grief.

**This took me a lot of time that I could squeeze into to do this chapter so please be kind. Please review and remember no flames. I will ignore them and I don't have the patience for them. I'll update as soon as I can. **


	3. A Very Happy Holiday

**Disclaimer:** _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ belongs to Joss Wheldon and _The Da Vinci Code _belongs to Dan Brown and Ron Howard. The story title doesn't belong to me either. It's from the song _Safest Place To Hide _by the wickedly amazing Backstreet Boys. Please don't sue me, I'm completely and utterly broke and it's for entertainment purposes only.

**Timeline: **From the end of season six to the end of _Chosen_, BtVS and post-movie, _Da Vinci Code_

**Pairing(s): **Willow/Tara (a little bit), Willow/Silas, Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Silas (friendship), Xander/OC

**Author's Note: **This chapter is based on a Christmas song called _The Christmas Shoes _by NEWSONG (I sobbed the first time I heard this song when it came out three years ago). I wanted to show a different side of Silas and I think _The Christmas Shoes _fits with this chapter and the mood of it. Enjoy and please no flames. I will ignore them and I don't have the patience for them.

**Summary: **Three years after that fateful night in London, Willow and Silas reunite after he came to the Watcher's Council's Headquarters following the shooting at the Opus Dei Center.

**Three days later …**

Willow was having a terrible time sleeping. It had been three days since Silas showed up at the Council HQ. After two days in the infirmary, he was moved to a room across the hall from the Wicca's. Despite that he was recovering physically from his ordeal, Silas was still an emotional wreck over what had happened and was often in tears. He even hated being alone in a room for long periods. A problem that Willow solved by staying in his room until he fell asleep before she would go and do something. Despite protests from Xander and a few of the Slayers, Willow, Giles, Buffy and Dawn began the long and difficult process of helping Silas adjust to life after Opus Dei knowing that he would never go back after what had happened to him.

Giving up on her bid to fall asleep, Willow got up to go to the kitchen to make herself a cup of warm milk. Just as she passed Silas's room, she heard muffed cries behind the closed door. At that point, she knew that he was suffering from another nightmare for the second time in three days since he came to the Council HQ and without hesitation; Willow opened the door and entered the room. She was at the former monk's bedside within minutes and she felt her heart jolt when she saw the tears running down his pale cheeks and heard his agonized cries.

**"**Please, no!!" Silas was crying in his sleep. "No!! Mama!!"

_He's dreaming about the night his mother was murdered!_ The Wicca realized remembering the story that he told her of his mother's murder at the hands of his father._ Oh, Silas!_

With tears in her eyes, Willow started shaking Silas trying in vain to wake him. "Silas, wake up. Please wake up."

"Stop it!!!" Silas started screaming. "Please!!! No!!! Leave her alone!!"

Despite the tears that were blinding her vision, Willow sat down at the edge of the bed and continued to try to shake Silas awake. She kept the panic out of her voice as she spoke gently.

"Silas, please wake up. You got to wake up."

"NOOO!!!!!"

Silas flew up from his bed and into Willow's waiting arms. He tried to pull away from her but she held him firmly and tightly. At that point, he gave in and started sobbing uncontrollably. He clung to the Wicca like a frightened child and buried his face on her shoulder.

"Willow." Silas said between sobs.

"Shhh. It's okay, Silas. I'm here." The Wicca whispered gently. "It's all right. Shhh."

Silas sobbed harder when Willow placed a gentle kiss at the top of his head and she stroked his hair gently. She just simply held him in her arms fighting back tears of her own and remaining strong for him at a time when he needed her the most. As she continued to comfort him, Willow made a silent vow.

_I will help you get through this, Silas. You deserve so much better than this. You're a good man who just needs to be loved and understood and who was used and deceived for someone's own twisted means. A man who is worth being saved. I know what it's like to be haunted by the sins of the past and I can teach you to pass from darkness to light. As God as my witness, Silas, I will help you learn wrong from right. _

_Help me, Willow!!! Please help me!!!_

That was the desperate thought that ran through Silas's mind as he held onto Willow sobbing and crying uncontrollably. The tears fell hard and fast as Silas flashed back to the horrible night of his mother's death. He could remember the vicious punches his father gave her, her screams of pain, her cries for help and her pleas for mercy. He could also remember the insults his father shouted at her as he beat the life out of her and how he stomped on her until she was dead. Then Silas flashed back to the day when he murdered the sailor on the dock and was sent to Andorra. The memory of the rage, the anger and the helpless that he felt after he was captured. Then as much as he didn't want to, Silas flashed back to that horrible night three days previous when he murdered five innocent people and accidentally killed his only friend and mentor and that made him cry harder.

"Help me, Willow." Silas sobbed. "Please help me. I need you. Please help me."

Willow felt her heart breaking at the pain and the pleading in his voice and the tears that she had been fighting back were now running down her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before opening them again.

"I'll help you, Silas." Willow whispered. "I swear on Tara's soul, I'll help you get through this. You deserve so much better than this. You deserve to be loved and understood. Don't be afraid to come to me for anything. Whether it's to talk or you need a shoulder to cry on, you can come to me. You will never be alone while you are here."

"You are my constant companion." The Wicca continued. "My touchstone."

Love and an odd mixture of joy and pain filled Silas's soul at her words. "And you are mine." He whispered. Then he and Willow pulled away and looked at her. Then slowly, he leaned forward to kiss her. Willow didn't lean away but she didn't lean forward either. After a few minutes, her lips made contact with Silas's in a soft, passionate kiss. After a minute, Silas pulled away from her with love and desire flashing in his tear-filled eyes. Unable to hold her love and passion for him back, Willow leaned forward and kissed him this time with more passion pouring all of her love for the former monk that she had bottled up inside of her for three years into it. As she was kissing him, Willow wrapped her arms around Silas's neck pulling him closer to her. After a few moments, they pulled away again and looked at each other with love and passion.

Upon seeing the tears running down Willow's face, Silas traced the tears with his finger and then he slid it into her hair along with the rest of his fingers. As he was stroking her hair, he felt her hand on his tear-stained cheek. Then Silas felt Willow's head rest on his good shoulder and her arms wrap around his waist. With tears running down his own face, Silas wrapped his own arms around the Wicca and rested his head on her shoulder crying silently now.

"Willow." Silas whispered with a sob. "My angel. My precious angel."

**London, England  
Eight months later …  
****December 24, 2006**

_I can't believe that it has been that long since Silas came at our doorstep. _

That was the one thought that rang through Dawn's mind as she and Silas walked pass a store window decorated with Christmas decorations. It had been a long and difficult eight months for both the former monk and the Scoobies. The transition was very difficult for Silas at first because of his habits while in Opus Dei. He had attempted to repent using both the Discipline and the _cilice _a few times. But one day, he was caught by Dawn and scared her so badly that Buffy took both the Discipline and the _cilice _away and virtually forbade Silas from repenting in the mansion. Dawn could never forget the conversation that both Silas and Buffy had just days earlier.

**///FASHBACK///**

"What the hell were you thinking, Silas? Doing that disgusting thing in the house and scaring the shit out of Dawn?"

Dawn winced at the furious expression on her sister's face. The events of what happened earlier ran through her mind like a VCR. She had caught Slias using the Discipline after she heard sounds of whipping and cries of pain. The furious look on Silas's face when she opened the door and saw the marks on his back burned in her memory. Dawn was so badly shaken and frightened that she went to get Buffy. The Slayer was furious. So furious that she went to Silas's room which was near Willow's, grabbed both the Discipline and the _cilice _belt and threw them out the window. Then she turned to him to tell him to come to her room to talk.

Silas also winced at the expression on Buffy's face but remained firm and full of conviction. "I was repenting …" he started to say.

"This isn't Opus Dei, Silas!!" Buffy spat unexpectedly. "What you do is insulting in the name of God. Isn't Jesus dying for your sins enough for you or are your sins so special that you have to do that?"

"It's spiritual pride, Silas. Nothing more." The Slayer continued. "Jesus died on the cross for all of us so that our sins will be forgiven. If you think that your suffering is greater than His than that's your curse. You are insulting Him by whipping yourself merciless and subjecting yourself to such pain and suffering. What do you think Willow will do if she hears of this?"

The conviction that was in Silas's eyes vanished at the mention of Willow. At that point, Dawn knew why. Since he had arrived at the Council, Silas spent more time with the Wicca and the teen than he did with any of the other Scoobies. The former Key was sure that the former monk is developing feelings for Willow but she wasn't sure how to approach him without making a big deal out of the situation.

_But I know exactly what Willow would do if she hears of this. She'll lose it big time. _

"Willow." Silas whispered and he looked up at Buffy and Dawn with tears in his eyes. "She will be very upset if she knows of what I have done. What have I …"

Buffy's face softened at Silas's distress and she laid a gentle hand on his arm. "Don't worry, Silas. Your secret is safe with us." She flashed Dawn a hard warning look as she said her next words. "Right, Dawnie?"

Dawn held up a hand in salute. "Scout's honor." She said with a small smile.

Tears streamed down Silas's cheeks as he glanced at the Summers sisters gratefully. "Thank you. I do not know how to …"

"You don't owe us anything, Silas." Buffy said gently. "Our friendship with you is very important to us and you are the most important person in Willow's life. She's very lucky to have someone like you in her life."

**////END OF FLASHBACK////**

Dawn pulled herself out of her thoughts when she felt her feet feeling very sore and achy. She turned to Silas and gently pulled his arm toward her to get him to face her.

"Silas, can we sit somewhere? My feet are getting sore."

Silas nodded his head silently and gently led the teen to a nearby bench which was in front of a department store. Dawn almost winced at the sad and depressed look on the former monk's face despite the Christmas cheer that was glowing around them and she couldn't help but feel very sympathetic toward him. It had been days since that day in the bathroom and it was still affecting him worse than the teen previously thought.

The former monk must have sensed her looking at him because to her surprise he asked. "Do you want me to finish your shopping so you could rest your feet?"

"Um, sure." Dawn stuttered in surprise. "Thanks."

Silas only nodded and he went to go inside the store without saying a word leaving Dawn alone with her thoughts. The teen never felt sorrier for anyone in her life and it made her feel sad thinking about it.

_Poor Silas!! _

**Later …**

Despite the Christmas cheer that was buzzing around him, Silas felt utterly depressed and sad. He felt terrible for what happened between him and Dawn when she caught him with the _cilice_ and the Discipline. He wasn't willing to admit it but he realized that he was just as happy whenever he was around the teen and the rest of the Scoobies just as he felt around Willow. While Xander and few of the Slayers were hesitant and a little afraid of him, Dawn immediately accepted Silas without question and she was kind and friendly to him. Like Willow, she was a great listener and always gave him a shoulder to cry on whenever Willow wasn't there. She reminded the former monk of a teenage version of his mother.

Silas squeezed his eyes shut as tears welled in them and he began to fight them back. He was so engrossed in his raging emotions that he almost didn't notice that the line in front of him started to move forward. Once he snapped back into reality, he almost bumped into something small and he opened his eyes to see that he had bumped into a little boy.

"Forgive me." Silas said quickly as he tried to keep the boxes he was carrying from slipping out of his grasp.

The little boy smiled at him. "That's okay, mister." He said and then he turned straight head. As the boy turned, Silas noticed that the child was holding a pair of dress shoes in his little hands. Then when the little boy's turn came to pay for his purchase, what he said to the cashier stunned the former monk beyond belief.

"I need to buy these shoes for my mum. You see, she's been sick for a while and I know that these shoes will make her smile. I want her to look beautiful if Mum meets God tonight."

_His mother is dying. That is why he is buying the shoes._

Once again, tears welled in Silas's eyes in sympathy for the little boy's efforts of trying to make his mother's final hours the brightest as possible. The former monk didn't bother to suppress a pang of grief he always felt whenever he thought of his own mother who died at the hands of his drunken, abusive father. He also thought of his former mentor and friend who saved him at a time when he needed a helping hand. But in all of the years that he had known him, Silas never received a single Christmas gift. Getting gifts was considered a sin and a sign of vanity. The former monk was suddenly pulled from his thoughts when he heard the clerk speak to the little boy.

"I'm sorry but you don't have enough here."

The little boy looked frantic as he looked in his pockets for more money. That made Silas feel even more sympathetic toward the small child and the heartbroken look on the little boy's face made the tears that he had been fighting back run down his cheeks as the child turned and looked at him. Then he spoke to him.

"What am I going to do? I have to buy those shoes for Mum. Somehow, I got to buy her the shoes. Please, sir. What am I going to do?"

_Lord have mercy on this poor child tonight. He will need your kindness and your love tonight._

That was the one silent prayer that Silas made to God as he set the boxes in his arms down onto the ground and reached for the envelope in his pocket that contained all of the money for Christmas shopping. With tears blinding his vision, Silas took out two twenty pound bills and handled them to the clerk who smiled. As she took the shoes from the little boy to put them in a shoebox, the child's face lit up into a happy grin and looked up at Silas with such a twinkle in his eyes.

"Mum will look so beautiful tonight." He said. "Thank you."

Choking on his sobs, Silas nodded and said. "May God be with you and your mother tonight."

"He will." The little boy said as he broke into a run toward the door of the shop. As he did, he turned back to Silas and shouted.

"Merry Christmas, sir."

Despite that he was crying, Silas returned the child's smile and said. "Merry Christmas, my child." While all of this was happening, Silas was completely unaware that Dawn had watched the whole thing from outside of the store window with a big grin on her face and with tears of joy running down her cheeks.

_Good for you, Silas! _

**Watcher's Council's Headquarters**

**Meanwhile …**

"Remind me again, Buffy. Why am I doing this?"

Buffy couldn't help but smile at Willow's question as the Wicca sat at a table wrapping one of several Christmas gifts that the Slayer had bought for her to give to Silas. Because of her Jewish heritage, Willow kept saying no to the idea of celebrating Christmas but later changed her mind after talking to the former monk about the subject of Christmas. That surprised everyone in the Headquarters except Giles and Buffy. The two had seen some changes in the Wicca since Silas arrived at the Council eight months ago. She was less depressed and more cheerful than before. Willow was returning to being the Willow that she was during her late high school years but more mature and confident. Buffy, Giles and Xander welcomed the change very much despite the one-eyed carpenter's dislike for Silas.

_Which I might have to fix sometime if he doesn't at least act civil toward him. _The Slayer thought remembering the few times when Xander ignored Silas and even got very rude toward him. _Willow will kick his ass for sure if he keeps this up. _

"You said that Silas has never gotten a gift in his life, right?" Buffy asked.

Willow nodded. "Right. But don't you think that this is a bit much? I mean, I don't want him to be overwhelmed."

Buffy grinned at her. "Trust me, Wills. Silas needs to know that he's family as long as he's here with us. I mean, look at how well he and Giles get along with each other and with Dawnie. She and Silas are irrespirable when you're not with him."

"He might get along with Xander too if he would stop judging him because of his actions eight months ago." Willow replied with a frown.

Buffy returned her best friend's frown. "I know." She said. "I thought he was passed that with Angel and Spike. But I guess I was wrong. Silas can't be in the same room as Xander without being reminded of what happened eight months ago. Silas almost whipped his ass when he brought up the bishop he killed by accident."

Willow's shoulder sagged as she remembered that afternoon. She, Giles and Buffy were in a meeting when Shannon, one of the Slayers, burst in to tell them that Silas and Xander had gotten into a fight that was broken up by Faith and a large group of Slayers. While it had taken two Slayers to restrain Xander, it took five Slayers including Faith to restrain Silas since he was bigger, stronger and powerful than the one-eyed carpenter. It took some time for the former monk to calm down but once he was calm enough, he explained what had happened that had set him off. Xander had called him a murderer and insulted him by purposely bringing up the events of eight months ago.

_I thought that Buffy was going to kill him or Giles or Faith or even Dawnie. Dawn and Buffy won't even talk to Xander now because of what happened. Faith gives him the death glare when she passes him down the hall and Giles, well; he's civil toward him but he's not very friendly with him right now either. _

When she talked to Xander later that night, Willow gave him some advice and a warning.

_The next time that you do this again, Silas will kill you and most importantly, I'll let him. If you can't accept him here and look past what he did eight months ago then that's your curse. Just try to understand him and where he came from. _

As the memory of the afternoon faded, Willow sighed and looked up at the clock. It read 6:30 pm. "Well, I better go and get ready."

"Ready for what?" Buffy asked.

As she got up from her chair and took two steps away from the table, Willow turned a little red as she answered. "Christmas Mass."

Buffy's eyes widened in surprise. "Christmas Mass?"

Willow felt her cheeks grow hot and in an embarrassed voice, she explained. "Um, I promised Silas that I'd go with him to Christmas Mass." Her face turned bright red when she saw the grin on her best friend's face. Buffy laughed when she saw that Willow's face was as red as her hair. Once she stopped laughing, Buffy finished wrapping the Christmas gift the Wicca was working on. Then a few minutes later, Willow came out dressed in a long black skirt and a blue button down shirt. She also had a black winter coat on with black gloves on her hands.

Buffy nodded her approval at her best friend's outfit. "Good for church." She said.

"Thanks, Buff." Willow said.

After nearly twenty minutes, the front door of the mansion opened to reveal Dawn and Silas. Both of them were carrying boxes that were already wrapped neatly for Christmas. Buffy grinned at them.

"How was Christmas shopping?" she asked.

Dawn and Silas glanced at each other before looking back at the Slayer. "Interesting." Dawn replied. "And busy."

"It must be. It's Christmas Eve." Buffy pointed out.

As the Summers sisters engaged in conversation, Silas felt his breath catch in his throat when he looked at Willow. She looked as beautiful as an angel with her hair pulled back into a bun. He couldn't help but love her more than ever before. It had taken him three long years but he realized how much in love he really was with Willow despite everything that had happened between them. He wasn't sure why it had taken so long and he didn't care. What he did know was that he will never go back to Opus Dei or back to the life he had been living during the time he had been in the sect. Silas was now more than willing to start a new life with Willow and everyone else in the Scooby Gang and help them with their new purpose which was to track and train Slayers all over the world. He had changed and learned more in eight months than he did in his entire lifetime.

_God has given me a new purpose in life and has blessed me with an angel who loves me for who I am. He has also given me a chance to redeem myself for the sins I have committed against Him. I will not let this chance go to waste. _

When he was in Opus Dei, Silas's education was severely lacking despite having an excellent reading ability but that changed when Giles arranged for the former monk to take classes at Oxford University taught by a colleague of the Watcher's who happened to be one of the few members of the old Council. At night, Silas went patrolling with Buffy, Faith and a few of the older Slayers. Sometimes, he even helped Dawn with some of her own studies since she also attended Oxford University and had the some of the same classes as the former monk.

"You look beautiful as always, Willow." Silas said with a smile on his face.

Willow grinned at him. "Why, thank you, Silas." She said. Gently, she took his hand into hers. "Shall we?"

"Of course." Silas replied. Gently, he led the Wicca out of the door and to the waiting taxi-cab outside that would take them to church. It was a twenty minute cab ride from the Watcher's Council's HQ to the nearby church. Once he paid the driver, Silas and Willow both went inside the church which was very beautiful in the inside as well as the outside. It reminded the former monk of Notre Dame back in Paris with all of the glass windows and the heavenly atmosphere inside. After a few minutes, they sat down in the pew and while Willow sat down in her seat, Silas knelt down on his knees and began to pray. He prayed for forgiveness for the sins he had committed against the five people he had killed and Bishop Aringarosa as he had always done for the eight months since that fateful day. He also prayed for the little boy he had met in the store and his dying mother.

Lastly, Silas prayed for Willow whose kindness and love for him had saved him more ways than he had dreamed of in his lifetime. As he finished praying, he glanced at the Wicca who was smiling at him with a twinkle in her eyes that brought tears of happiness to his eyes. As the mass began, Silas and Willow stood and held hands glancing at each other lovingly as if they didn't have a care in the world except for God.

**Later …**

As they were passing the library, Buffy and Giles stopped when they saw that the doors were open and they went inside. The room was dark except with a fire going in the fireplace. None of the books seemed to be out of place and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Just as she was about to suggest to Giles that they should leave, Buffy stopped when she saw a very lovely sight. Silas and Willow were sitting on the couch in each other's arms. Both of them were asleep with smiles on their faces. In Willow's case, there was a book hanging limply in her hands. Buffy glanced at the cover and grinned when she saw the title of the book.

_A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. What a good book to read to Silas. _

Giles must have seen the sight before them because he approached the sleeping couple with a blanket and gently, he draped the blanket onto Silas and Willow. The Watcher glanced at them one last time before turning to leave.

"Merry Christmas, guys." Buffy whispered softly before she turned to join her Watcher to leave the library with her best friend and the former monk sleeping in the library.

**December 25, 2006  
****5:30 am  
****The next morning …**

Willow woke up feeling very stiff and her back achy. She also was feeling warm with large, strong arms decidedly male. Then it all came back to her. After Christmas mass, she and Silas returned to the Watcher's Council HQ to spend some time alone and they went to the library. The former monk had asked her to read a story to him to which she agreed gladly. She had chosen _A Christmas Carol _and after hours, they had fallen asleep before Willow had finished the story. Smiling, Willow snuggled closer to Silas and wrapped her arms around him. This had woken him up and after opening his eyes, he glanced down and smiled at her.

"Good morning, my angel." Silas said.

"Good morning, stranger." Willow said with a smile. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Willow." The former monk replied with a loving smile.

Willow leaned forward and gently kissed Silas on his forehead and on his cheek which prompt him to kiss her gently on her mouth. He ran his hand through her hair as he was kissing her. After nearly a few minutes, they pulled away to glaze at each other lovingly.

"I love you, Silas." Willow whispered.

"I love you, Willow." Silas replied in a whisper. He kissed her gently on the forehead and held her for a few more minutes before he got up from the couch despite feeling a bit stiff from the position he was in. Willow also got up but winced in pain as she stood from the couch.

"Are you all right, my angel?" Silas asked sounding alarmed and concerned.

Willow flashed him a smile. "Just a sore back from last night." She reassured him. "No biggie." _I've forgotten how sweet he is. I mean, he's so sweet and honest for a former monk. _

"I'll be okay, Silas." The Wicca continued with the reassuring smile still on her face. "It's a sore back nothing more. Come on, let's see if Buffy and the others are awake yet."

Willow and Silas took hands and held them as they walked down to the large living room where all of the Scoobies minus, to the Wicca's disappointment, Xander had gathered around the Christmas tree at near the fireplace. There were gifts all around the tree wrapped in beautiful colors like gold, silver, red and blue. Dawn glanced up and grinned when she saw the Wicca and the former monk standing at the doorway. Giles, Buffy and Faith also smiled when they saw them.

"Good morning, you two." Giles said with a smile. "And happy Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Giles." Silas replied with a smile.

"Merry Christmas, Giles." Willow replied.

Dawn flashed a cheerful grin at Silas and Willow's direction. "Merry Chrinukkah, you guys." She said.

Willow turned and smiled when she saw the confused look on Silas's face. "It's the mixture of both Christmas and Hanukkah. Something out of her favorite TV show."

Silas's confusion faded as he remembered the time when he watched TV with Buffy and Dawn one night and the teen introduced him to her favorite show. An American teen drama called _The O.C_. While both the Slayer and the former monk didn't care much for the show, Dawn loved it and watched it every week.

"Of course." Silas said with a smile.

Buffy couldn't help but grin at them. "What are you guys waiting for? Let's get started with the gifts!!" She exclaimed. Buffy, Giles, Willow and Silas took seats on the couch while Dawn remained on the floor near the tree. She grabbed the gift nearest her and read the name on it.

"This one's for you, Buffy." Dawn said. She got up and gave the small wrapped box to her sister. "From Giles."

As Buffy took the gift from her hands, Dawn picked up the next gift and smiled when she read the name on the tag. She turned to Silas and Willow with the smile still on her face.

"This one's for you, Silas." She said as she got up to give him the medium-sized box. "From me and Buffy."

Silas was surprised and shocked. "For me?" he asked. Tears welled in his eyes for their thoughtfulness. This was the first time in his life when he had received a gift.

Dawn nodded her head with the smile still on her face. "Of course, silly." She replied cheerfully.

"Open it." Willow urged him gently.

Hands shaking, Silas tore at the wrapping paper to reveal a white box. Curious, he opened it to reveal a brand new Catholic Bible with a beautiful violent bookmark inside it. His eyes still bright with tears, Silas turned to Dawn who was smiling brightly and then to Buffy who had a gentle smile on her face.

"The one you had on you when you arrived here eight months ago was battered looking and falling apart." Buffy explained. "So Dawnie and I decided to replace it for you to save you from having to do it yourself."

A sob escaped his lips as Silas started to speak. "Thank you." He said. "I will treasure it always."

"You're welcome, Silas." Buffy and Dawn answered together. Then Dawn went to get the next gift which turned out to be one for her from Giles. Then once she gathered her own gifts, she then gave everyone else their gifts that were left under the Christmas tree. Her own gifts consisted of three books. One on demons from Giles, a cookbook from Beth and a book on Wicca from Willow. She also got new clothes from Buffy and a dagger from Faith. She also got a new diary from Shannon, one of the Slayers and a photo album from Xander. Dawn was surprised to see that the last gift she was about to open was from Silas. She tore at the wrapping paper to reveal a small white box and opened to reveal a photo of herself and the former monk, which was taken five months earlier, in a beautiful silver picture frame.

"Silas, this is beautiful." Dawn said with tears in her eyes. "Thank you."

"You are welcome, Dawn." Silas replied fighting back tears. His gifts consisted of a new laptop computer from Giles for his studies, a book on famous Catholic cardinals from Faith and a beautiful silver cross pendant from Sacha, Amanda and Gabrielle; three of the Slayers whom the former monk had befriended months earlier. He also got new clothes that fit from Beth and several small gifts from Willow that were a copy of _To Kill A Mockingbird_ a book that he had read months earlier, three classical music CDs, a book on the Vatican, a journal and a photo of himself with Willow, which was taken a month before, in a beautiful wooden picture frame with the words 'Forever yours' carved into the frame.

Silas looked toward the Wicca with tears still in his eyes. "Thank you so much, my angel." He said with a sob.

"You're very welcome, Silas." Willow replied. She took his hand and squeezed it and moved closer to him. At that point, Silas couldn't hold on to his raging emotions any longer and broke down crying. His sobs wracking his entire body. He felt Willow's arms wrap around his shaking body in a comforting embrace.

"Willow … Willow." Silas choked around his sobs. "I am just …"

"Shhh, I know." The Wicca said gently. She just held him in her arms and let him cry. He had been holding back his joy for his new life and his sorrow for the childhood that he never experienced for so long. This was his first Christmas spent with people who cared about him and loved him like family and even received gifts for the first time in his life. As she looked at the faces of her friends, Willow was sure that they felt the same about Silas who in eight months became one of them. A member of their little family.

_Our little family. _

**Twelve hours later …**

"Man, I'm starving. Is Christmas dinner ready yet?"

"You just asked me that about ten minutes ago!!!"

"Hey, I'm hungry!! What can I say?"

"Well, keep your pants on!!! It'll be ready soon."

"What do I do till then?"

"There's some shortbread by the fireplace. Nibble on that for a while."

"Oh, for the love of God!!!"

Silas sighed as he felt a headache coming on. While Willow and Buffy were busy helping with Christmas dinner, the former monk remained in the living room watching Dawn and Shannon bickering over Christmas dinner. It was oblivious to him that both girls were hungry but Dawn was more patient and willing to wait than Shannon was. Both girls stood facing each other with their hands on their hips and that reminded the former monk of Buffy and Willow when they playfully argue with each other.

"Bickerin' over Christmas dinner again?"

Silas turned to see Faith standing in the doorway with a grin on her face. The former monk had developed the deepest respect for the other Slayer and her friendship for the eight months that they knew each other. Faith was like him in many ways. She also had killed people and got caught up with the wrong people and even did the worst things to her friends. But she also had paid the ultimate price for her sins by going to prison and redeemed herself by fighting in the final battle against the First Evil. In a way, Silas developed a kinship with the dark-haired Slayer and respected her in more ways than one.

"They have been arguing over it for the last hour." Silas replied wincing as his headache intensified into a throb.

Faith noticed his wince and said in a concerned voice. "Are you okay? You don't look so hot."

"It is just a headache, Faith." Silas answered. "Nothing more."

"How bad?" Faith asked. The pained look on Silas's face and the tears in his eyes answered her question and she took out a bottle of Tylenol out of her pocket and handed it over to Silas.

"You don't want to worry Red, do you?" she asked upon seeing the look on his face.

Seeing the logic in her words and not wanting to worry Willow, Silas shook his head. "Of course not." He answered as he took the bottle of Tylenol. He took two pills out of the bottle and downed them with the eggnog he was drinking. He glanced at Faith gratefully.

"Thank you, Faith." He said.

Faith grinned at him. "Don't mention it." She replied. "Come on, let's see how Christmas dinner is coming on."

**Later …**

"Whoa, that's looks so good!!"

Buffy smiled when she saw the look of amazement on Dawn's face. After hours of working in the kitchen for Christmas dinner, the Slayer and Willow were tired, hot and hungry. As some of the kitchen help began taking food into the dining room, Buffy and Willow went out to gather everyone including Dawn, Shannon, Faith and Silas. There was a lot of food that including turkey, mashed potatoes, squash, sweet potatoes, yams, stuffing, cranberry sauce, corn, peas, green beans and just about every vegetable imaginable. The table was set up with a beautiful silver and gold table cloth, sparkling silverware, crystal wine glasses and plates with a snowflake in the center.

Faith sniffed the air and let out a joyful sigh. "It smells so good, B." she remarked.

"It does." Silas said in agreement. His pale eyes as wide as saucers. "I have never seen so much food for such a meal."

Buffy grinned at the former monk. "No one said that Christmas dinner is like a normal dinner." She said cheerfully.

"You got that right."

Buffy, Dawn, Faith and Silas turned to see Willow and Giles standing at the doorway to the dining room with grins on their faces. The Wicca turned to the former monk with a loving grin on her face and he smiled at her back just as lovingly. They snapped back into reality when they heard Dawn say.

"Well, let's go and eat."

The fivesome went to their assigned seats in the dining room. Buffy sat at the end of the table while Dawn sat down beside Shannon and three of the Slayers. Giles, Xander and Faith sat down near the end of the table and Willow and Silas (to Xander's disgust and dismay) sat down beside each other at the other side of the table beside with two other Slayers. Then after a few minutes, Giles glanced over at Silas as he did the sign of the cross and whispered a prayer in Latin. To everyone's surprise, Willow did the same thing as she started to sit down at her chair. Then everyone else sat down to begin Christmas dinner. Throughout the entire dinner, Silas focused entirely on Willow who smiled at him as she was eating her meal. He was the happiest that he had ever been in his life. For the first time in a long time, he felt the love of a family that he had never experienced in his childhood with his parents and as he glanced at the faces of his new friends and family, he prayed for them all and for this moment to last forever.

_Thank you all and God bless you for what you have done for me._

**I know it's a bit late to put up a Christmas chapter but I was very busy in celebrating the New Year and also working. Anyway, happy New Year and please review!!! Also, I may have made a mistake on the _O.C _reference. If I did, I sincerely apologize and I'll correct it on my next update. Anyway, please review and remember no flames!! I will ignore them and I don't have the patience for them. **


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